It’s a dog’s life – by Riley Meyer. Golden Retriever, Esq. 6:00am. Where is everybody? Thump, thump, thump. Nothing. Louder. Thump, thump, thump. That kind of hurts actually. Nothing. In fact, Dad is snoring. Sigh. Will go find little Christian (age 6). He’ll get up. My nose presses against Christian’s nose. His eyes open. “Mmmm….
Umm, that’s not going to work.
One of the Littles is all excited to use his first Amazon gift card to buy a Pokemon box. But with tax, it comes out to $10.78. He is creative.
It begins.
We have developed code words to facilitate movement of “the children,” now known as the hoard. We have: The Bigs and the Littles (1& 2 and 3& 4). The Bookends and the Middles (1 & 4 and 2 & 3). The Odds and the Evens (1 & 3 and 2 & 4). It is Saturday…
My Woody
Christian just drew Woody from Toy Story and asked if I liked his Woody. Then, Griffin asked “Christian, can I see your Woody?” Upon seeing it Griffin said “Oh, that’s a good Woody, Christian!”.
Dinner
The dinner table. 30 seconds. “Don’t forget we have the play on Saturday.” “Who’s Jack Nicholson?” “Christian, please don’t put your tractor in the potatoes.” “Do you think I can save enough for an iPhone?” “What play?” “He’s a golfer.” “Why does Ben get an iPhone?” “Can you get Christian to eat his beans, please?”…
Heirarchy of Birth Order – The Meyer Theorem
First Child Literally the “FIRST CHILD”. Of the Earth. He is brilliant. He does things. He points. Second Child The hand-me-down child. This child will never own a new, well, anything. There will never be anything new. Not even sneakers or underwear. Third Child The Tylenol PM child. Also known as the ratty car seat…
Vader and the Animal Hospital
While Darth Vader is not always an expected visitor at the Animal Hospital, he has typically been welcomed. Unfortunately, in an attempt to get the breathing just right for his four-legged audience, Vader ended up hyper-ventilating and sitting down on somebody’s cat. The vet has politely asked that Mr. Vader refrain from such energetic performances…
It was this big…
Griffin was less excited to find out that he swims in the same water as the fish.
Minions
Minion = age between 4 and 11. Younger than 4 and they are like like drunk hamsters. Older than 11 and they are, well, exactly like you.
Spring Break – Dallas Airport
I had a moment. Christian just swiped his backpack across the table taking two glasses of water with it. I was standing 20 feet away, coming back from the bathroom. It would have been so easy to pretend not to recognize them. I went up to Polly and said “excuse me m’am, can I help…
Spring Break – Orange County Airport
Am back in the airport. The boys are arguing whether a quesadilla is a dessert or a meal. Christian is emphatic it is, in fact, dessert. Cooper says no cheese for dessert. Ben is pointing out that people do eat cheese for dessert. Griffin thinks that’s dumb. Christian is now yelling that it is a…
Spring Break – SeaWorld
Off to SeaWorld. Christian just announced that he dropped his car in the toilet and that it was especially hard to get out because there was a poop in the way. The car has gone quiet.
Spring Break – Mastercard
1 lovey (bear) nestled right up against the urinal 1 confiscated jack knife 1 son who looks like his sweatshirt is birthing his head 1 son who has now asked 4 times when we will be there (we have yet to get on the plane) Same son who is now lying on the floor becoming…
