A Meyer video. Click here to view. Seriously. Click here.
Mother’s Day
I didn’t display a ton of foresight when I took a Tylenol PM on Mother’s Day Eve. <pause>. I didn’t display any foresight when I took a Tylenol PM on Mother’s Day Eve. “Dad.” Fog “Dad.” Light grey. “Dad.” “Mmmm.” “Mom just went to…
Christmas 2015
2015. (Ben-16; Cooper-14; Griffin-11; Christian-7) “Which way do I turn?” “Go to the high school.” “Yeah, but which way?” We are in the driveway. “What do you mean which way? Ben, you have been going back and forth from school twice a day for two years. Are you serious?” “Well. When you put it that…
Boys Weekend – Part 1
Polly went to her college reunion leaving me with instructions on building a nuclear power plant and/or still having 4 living children at the end of the weekend. By 7am I was late. By 8 I had forgotten to feed the dog, forgotten which field we were supposed to be on, and forgotten to clothe…
Boys Weekend – Part 2
We are back home. But this is like turning a plane. We have 17 minutes before we need to be back in the car. Griffin is staring at his pizza as if it is going to leap up and eat his head. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “What are you looking at?” I peer over his shoulder….
Boys Weekend – Part 3
We are back at the house. We have been to two soccer games, a baseball game and a Bar Mitzvah. It is 2:30. I have gotten it into my head that I am going to paint and stain the deck. So by my calculations, if I multiply by 6, subtract 2 and assume 20%, I…
Why spelling is still important.
Thankfully somebody else’s child.
The 6 Million Dollar Dog
“Daisy blew out her knee.” None of those words are registering. “What do you mean?” “She tore her ACL.” Silence. I look over at Herschel Walker who starts to wag her tail. Thump. Thump. Thump. Now some people say that you can tell if you are in shape or not by looking at your dog….
Dog mind control
Dog mind control. “Just give me the brownie…”
It’s a dog’s life.
It’s a dog’s life – by Riley Meyer. Golden Retriever, Esq. 6:00am. Where is everybody? Thump, thump, thump. Nothing. Louder. Thump, thump, thump. That kind of hurts actually. Nothing. In fact, Dad is snoring. Sigh. Will go find little Christian (age 6). He’ll get up. My nose presses against Christian’s nose. His eyes open. “Mmmm….
Umm, that’s not going to work.
One of the Littles is all excited to use his first Amazon gift card to buy a Pokemon box. But with tax, it comes out to $10.78. He is creative.
It begins.
We have developed code words to facilitate movement of “the children,” now known as the hoard. We have: The Bigs and the Littles (1& 2 and 3& 4). The Bookends and the Middles (1 & 4 and 2 & 3). The Odds and the Evens (1 & 3 and 2 & 4). It is Saturday…
My Woody
Christian just drew Woody from Toy Story and asked if I liked his Woody. Then, Griffin asked “Christian, can I see your Woody?” Upon seeing it Griffin said “Oh, that’s a good Woody, Christian!”.
Dinner
The dinner table. 30 seconds. “Don’t forget we have the play on Saturday.” “Who’s Jack Nicholson?” “Christian, please don’t put your tractor in the potatoes.” “Do you think I can save enough for an iPhone?” “What play?” “He’s a golfer.” “Why does Ben get an iPhone?” “Can you get Christian to eat his beans, please?”…
Heirarchy of Birth Order – The Meyer Theorem
First Child Literally the “FIRST CHILD”. Of the Earth. He is brilliant. He does things. He points. Second Child The hand-me-down child. This child will never own a new, well, anything. There will never be anything new. Not even sneakers or underwear. Third Child The Tylenol PM child. Also known as the ratty car seat…
