Christmas 2019

The Meyers.  2019. Why can’t you use your shower?” “I need the space.  I worry that I might miss things.” “Miss things?” “Like with shower gel.  I may need more coats.” I look at Griffin.  Who talks like this? “Hello parental unit.” I guess his brother. “The mother unit is unable to come to the…

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Christmas 2018

The Meyers.  2018. “Did he pass out?” We are standing in a circle looking down at Cooper.  Who is spread eagled on the ground.  Eyes closed. “I don’t think so.  He’s moving.  <pause>  Is he moving?” “Cooper, are you ok?” “Mmmmm.  <silence>  Nt…ut…iss… mas.. ter.” “What did he say?” “Cooper, what?” “Mmmm.”  Groan.  “Don’t… put……

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Holidays 2017. Er, a little late.

The Meyers. 5:10am Riley wriggles under the bed.  With his butt sticking out.  Every morning.  At 5:10. It’s cute were it not for the fact that it sounds like he is falling off the side of a building and only holding on by his fingernails scrabbling for purchase like some dog James Bond movie.  It…

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Mother’s Day

I didn’t display a ton of foresight when I took a Tylenol PM on Mother’s Day Eve.     <pause>.     I didn’t display any foresight when I took a Tylenol PM on Mother’s Day Eve.   “Dad.”   Fog   “Dad.”   Light grey.   “Dad.”   “Mmmm.”   “Mom just went to…

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Christmas 2015

2015.  (Ben-16; Cooper-14; Griffin-11; Christian-7) “Which way do I turn?” “Go to the high school.” “Yeah, but which way?” We are in the driveway. “What do you mean which way?  Ben, you have been going back and forth from school twice a day for two years.  Are you serious?” “Well.  When you put it that…

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Boys Weekend – Part 1

Polly went to her college reunion leaving me with instructions on building a nuclear power plant and/or still having 4 living children at the end of the weekend.  By 7am I was late.  By 8 I had forgotten to feed the dog, forgotten which field we were supposed to be on, and forgotten to clothe…

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Boys Weekend – Part 2

We are back home.  But this is like turning a plane.  We have 17 minutes before we need to be back in the car. Griffin is staring at his pizza as if it is going to leap up and eat his head. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “What are you looking at?”  I peer over his shoulder….

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Boys Weekend – Part 3

We are back at the house.  We have been to two soccer games, a baseball game and a Bar Mitzvah.  It is 2:30.  I have gotten it into my head that I am going to paint and stain the deck.  So by my calculations, if I multiply by 6, subtract 2 and assume 20%, I…

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The 6 Million Dollar Dog

“Daisy blew out her knee.” None of those words are registering. “What do you mean?” “She tore her ACL.” Silence. I look over at Herschel Walker who starts to wag her tail.  Thump. Thump. Thump. Now some people say that you can tell if you are in shape or not by looking at your dog….

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Dog mind control

Dog mind control.  “Just give me the brownie…”

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