Literally the “FIRST CHILD”. Of the Earth. He is brilliant. He does things. He points.
The hand-me-down child. This child will never own a new, well, anything. There will never be anything new. Not even sneakers or underwear.
The Tylenol PM child. Also known as the ratty car seat child. This is when you really want that disgusting banana-smeared car seat to just hang on for the 7th or 8th year. And you are having rock, paper, scissors tournaments with your wife every night to see who gets to take the Tylenol PM.
Lord of the Flies. This child will show up to dinner without a shirt, toilet paper wrapped around his head, and will have outlined his eyebrows in permanent marker.