Christmas 2018

The Meyers.  2018. “Did he pass out?” We are standing in a circle looking down at Cooper.  Who is spread eagled on the ground.  Eyes closed. “I don’t think so.  He’s moving.  <pause>  Is he moving?” “Cooper, are you ok?” “Mmmmm.  <silence>  Nt…ut…iss… mas.. ter.” “What did he say?” “Cooper, what?” “Mmmm.”  Groan.  “Don’t… put……

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Boys Weekend – Part 1

Polly went to her college reunion leaving me with instructions on building a nuclear power plant and/or still having 4 living children at the end of the weekend.  By 7am I was late.  By 8 I had forgotten to feed the dog, forgotten which field we were supposed to be on, and forgotten to clothe…

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Boys Weekend – Part 2

We are back home.  But this is like turning a plane.  We have 17 minutes before we need to be back in the car. Griffin is staring at his pizza as if it is going to leap up and eat his head. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “What are you looking at?”  I peer over his shoulder….

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Boys Weekend – Part 3

We are back at the house.  We have been to two soccer games, a baseball game and a Bar Mitzvah.  It is 2:30.  I have gotten it into my head that I am going to paint and stain the deck.  So by my calculations, if I multiply by 6, subtract 2 and assume 20%, I…

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The 6 Million Dollar Dog

“Daisy blew out her knee.” None of those words are registering. “What do you mean?” “She tore her ACL.” Silence. I look over at Herschel Walker who starts to wag her tail.  Thump. Thump. Thump. Now some people say that you can tell if you are in shape or not by looking at your dog….

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Heirarchy of Birth Order – The Meyer Theorem

First Child Literally the “FIRST CHILD”.  Of the Earth.  He is brilliant.  He does things.  He points. Second Child The hand-me-down child.  This child will never own a new, well, anything.  There will never be anything new.  Not even sneakers or underwear. Third Child The Tylenol PM child.  Also known as the ratty car seat…

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Vader and the Animal Hospital

While Darth Vader is not always an expected visitor at the Animal Hospital,  he has typically been welcomed.  Unfortunately, in an attempt to get the breathing just right for his four-legged audience, Vader ended up hyper-ventilating and sitting down on somebody’s cat.  The vet has politely asked that Mr. Vader refrain from such energetic performances…

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It was this big…

Griffin was less excited to find out that he swims in the same water as the fish.

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Minions

Minion = age between 4 and 11.  Younger than 4 and they are like like drunk hamsters.  Older than 11 and they are, well, exactly like you.

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Spring Break – Dallas Airport

I had a moment.  Christian just swiped his backpack across the table taking two glasses of water with it.  I was standing 20 feet away, coming back from the bathroom.  It would have been so easy to pretend not to recognize them. I went up to Polly and said “excuse me m’am, can I help…

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Spring Break – Orange County Airport

Am back in the airport.  The boys are arguing whether a quesadilla is a dessert or a meal.  Christian is emphatic it is, in fact, dessert.  Cooper says no cheese for dessert.  Ben is pointing out that people do eat cheese for dessert.  Griffin thinks that’s dumb.  Christian is now yelling that it is a…

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Spring Break – SeaWorld

Off to SeaWorld.  Christian just announced that he dropped his car in the toilet and that it was especially hard to get out because there was a poop in the way.   The car has gone quiet.

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Spring Break – Mastercard

1 lovey (bear) nestled right up against the urinal 1 confiscated jack knife 1 son who looks like his sweatshirt is birthing his head 1 son who has now asked 4 times when we will be there (we have yet to get on the plane) Same son who is now lying on the floor becoming…

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